When I discovered the reason why I stopped ‘encouraging’ my partner to go.
I think he’s happy about that.
This was also a common experience for my clients prior to working with me and often made them hesitant, stating that therapy hadn’t ‘worked’ for them.
I usually hear this from men who’ve gone through heartbreak, divorce or infidelity and sought support from a councillor as an advised solution.
After the initial relief of sharing their problems with someone, most men I spoke with found there was no ongoing progress and expressed ‘feeling worse’ continuously talking about their problems.
I don’t believe it’s an issue with the men or the therapist.
The issue is the structure of traditional therapy that doesn’t work for men, but can be very helpful for women in the right doses.
This is because women feel connection and stress relief when sharing their problems and emotions because it produces oxytocin (her natural chemical for happiness and pain relief).
The thing is men and women cope with stress differently based on thousands of years of biology and conditioning.
So why would the same structure to reduce stress and gain clarity work for both men and women? On a practical level, it doesn’t.
For the majority of men it has the opposite effect by creating more stress and disempowerment if left open without a tangible solution.
From my experience coaching over 300 men I’ve understood what produces results and what doesn’t...
The structure of therapy can help to relieve grief and offload some negative emotions for men going through intense turmoil, but after a certain point results flatline or have a negative affect for these key reasons:
- Lack of a specific targets & outcomes
- Sharing thoughts about feelings doesn’t fix the problem
- The therapist-client relationship doesn’t create a strong enough container for transformation
- The focus is on the problem as opposed to moving beyond it
- Being looked as someone who needs ‘help’ makes a man feel powerless
- The nature of therapy doesn’t focus on a man’s greatness & holding him up to his highest potential
So what’s a man to do if he’s going through a tough time or looking to better himself?
He needs tools.
Tools that help him process stress and negative emotions.
Tools that help him move forward in a functional way.
Tools that teach him how to communicate, connect and resolve conflict so that he can build supportive and connected relationships.
Tools that facilitate him stepping into his greatness so that he can regain the confidence to trust and lead himself.
Finally and most importantly he needs a conscious relationship where he can heal his wounds, grow and continuously be inspired to step into his power for the rest of his life.
The breakdown of relationships in society will continue to cause havoc on men's mental health...
The world needs good, strong men right now and loving relationships are at the foundation of this type of strength.
If you’re in a marriage that doesn’t cultivate the love and nurturing you need it might be because you haven’t learned to create safety for your wife to support you in this way.
The good news is that you have the power to change this.
The Mind Heart Method is the leading program for men to overcome stress and negative emotions, so that you can create a loving and connected, lasting relationship that supports your highest potential.
This looks like:
- Not fighting about the same thing (or holding resentment) so that you’re home feels like your sanctuary
- Reigniting the spark so that you come home excited to see each other each night
- Feeling supported in your goals and aspirations by being able to share your heart with your wife
- Getting the love and connection you both deeply desire and that your relationship needs to thrive
- Feeling inspired, energised and confident in the world with the vitality of a love in your life